My Carbon Monoxide Detector....

First off an apology, been busy, all that jazz.

I had one of lives many experiences the other night, my carbon monoxide detector went off....
This I can assure you is not a pleasant experience. Not one iota. As the shrill, sharp beeps perforated through my ear drums, my first reaction was to consult the internet. I typed in "carbon monoxide detector alarm going off". I was confronted with a message that could not be misunderstood.

VACATE THE BUILDING

Usually not a problem, I would quite happily vacate my building for one that served alcohol. However a spanner to my plan was headline number 2.

LEAVE ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS OPEN.

Doing this and then going to the pub would practically be handing my things to people in the street. A free for all would simply ensue.

RING NATIONAL GRID.
This I could do. I rang the man... (this is the person who fixes things for I cannot) who told me that they would be there within 2 hours.

Now I should explain as I stepped outside, it attacked me, viciously. It was easily below freezing, the ice suggested as such. 2 hours in this would without doubt turn me into a popular children's ice pop machine resembling a very happy snowman. The only difference would be that I would not be smiling.

Downstairs was charitable, took me and my housemate in until the aforementioned man arrived. He waltzed past and started doing things. Things to make the house work again. He didn't talk, he didn't say what was right or indeed wrong. He left. He was devoid of manners, professionalism or anything else endearing. He simply said "its safe" and left in his van that had flashy lights.

Yet still the alarm still violated my ears and therefore my sleep. How dare it? the evil self centered beeping machine. Frustration was rife. So I rang national grid again.

A new man (hopefully better at fixing things) arrived and this man was nice. He talked. He explained that because no gas was actually entering the house, there could be no carbon monoxide. The beep was caused by the electrics that linked to the lights. To turn the beep off, the lights would have to go. The lights went, the heating had already left us. It was a hellish night considering the amount of money I have produced for the flat. Left without heat as the gas could not be turned on until the lights were diagnosed, we were reduced to the Victorian ages.

If you want a silver lining... I can now give you one. When now sat in a pub in East Lancashire and an old man suggests that I haven't lived and back in "th'owld" days there was no gas or electricity. I can now argue back... which is nice.