St Valentine...Enemy of the Romantic State

Allow me to be clear and somewhat frank, I do not like Valentines day. I don't know when it was made up but I wish the person who did make it up to have bees inserted into their eyes until it really really hurts. I will explain....

Second only Christmas, Valentines day sells the most cards of any given day. This in itself is unromantic. We seem to have lost the basis of romance. If everyone does one thing, it ceases to be romantic as it is cliché and unoriginal. If you go out for a meal on Valentines day, this again voids any romanticism that was at all possible. Primarily because the restaurants will all be so full that it would be impossible to have a conversation or indeed to sit on the table looking longingly at one another as the table has a two hour limit. Secondly because it is expected, which dents the inherent values of "romantic". Mr Darcy wouldn't take you to a chain restaurant hiding as an upper class eating venue. He almost certainly wouldn't take you to Nando's because he forgot and everywhere else was booked.

Small bears holding incoherently large love hearts, knocked price chocolate in Tescos, fake roses, real roses trebling in price, rubbish television and Ronan Keating. This is what pops into the head when people discuss Valentines day with me. Hmmmm not exactly Wuthering Hights now is it?

Not only this it seems to be a day to remind single people just how very alone they actually are. Like everyday of eating for one, drinking for two and then clamouring into your double bed, sobbing slightly whilst grasping your pillow to resemble a torso isn't enough, there's a day to feel even worse because of it.
A day for watching people googly eyeballing each other, neck kissing on the train, holding each others hands so tightly as if to say "never go".... sigh. Oh yeah, wierdo, you've been watching these people for far too long, they have clocked you and are now fleeing from your sodden eyed reach.

This may sound as though I'm being a touch negative due to the fact that I am not currently in a relationship. I'd like to state this isn't the case. I don't like it when I am in a relationship. It's stressful. Particularly because of the restrictions that I put upon myself not to be cheesy but still original.
Here comes my hypocrisy, we shouldn't have to have to have a day delegated to love. We shouldn't have to be told how to show that love through material goods. If you choose to show it in that way then fine, I salute you and off you go. But if you, like me, think that a simple post-it note left on a desk simply saying "I miss you" tells you more than any card that someone else wrote could ever even dream to achieve. Or a day spent together doing something you haven't tried before like roller skating or painting a t-shirt just because you can or anything else that pops into your head on that particular occasion is more unique to your relationship with someone than being shepherded in and out of restaurants like a flock of sheep. Or you even just think that you should show your love for someone as much as humanly possible, not just on one specified day. Then you may well boycott this entire "Valentines procedure" next year.

“Love cannot be forced, love cannot be coaxed and teased. It comes out of heaven, unasked and unsought.”- Pearl.S.Buck

My Carbon Monoxide Detector....

First off an apology, been busy, all that jazz.

I had one of lives many experiences the other night, my carbon monoxide detector went off....
This I can assure you is not a pleasant experience. Not one iota. As the shrill, sharp beeps perforated through my ear drums, my first reaction was to consult the internet. I typed in "carbon monoxide detector alarm going off". I was confronted with a message that could not be misunderstood.

VACATE THE BUILDING

Usually not a problem, I would quite happily vacate my building for one that served alcohol. However a spanner to my plan was headline number 2.

LEAVE ALL DOORS AND WINDOWS OPEN.

Doing this and then going to the pub would practically be handing my things to people in the street. A free for all would simply ensue.

RING NATIONAL GRID.
This I could do. I rang the man... (this is the person who fixes things for I cannot) who told me that they would be there within 2 hours.

Now I should explain as I stepped outside, it attacked me, viciously. It was easily below freezing, the ice suggested as such. 2 hours in this would without doubt turn me into a popular children's ice pop machine resembling a very happy snowman. The only difference would be that I would not be smiling.

Downstairs was charitable, took me and my housemate in until the aforementioned man arrived. He waltzed past and started doing things. Things to make the house work again. He didn't talk, he didn't say what was right or indeed wrong. He left. He was devoid of manners, professionalism or anything else endearing. He simply said "its safe" and left in his van that had flashy lights.

Yet still the alarm still violated my ears and therefore my sleep. How dare it? the evil self centered beeping machine. Frustration was rife. So I rang national grid again.

A new man (hopefully better at fixing things) arrived and this man was nice. He talked. He explained that because no gas was actually entering the house, there could be no carbon monoxide. The beep was caused by the electrics that linked to the lights. To turn the beep off, the lights would have to go. The lights went, the heating had already left us. It was a hellish night considering the amount of money I have produced for the flat. Left without heat as the gas could not be turned on until the lights were diagnosed, we were reduced to the Victorian ages.

If you want a silver lining... I can now give you one. When now sat in a pub in East Lancashire and an old man suggests that I haven't lived and back in "th'owld" days there was no gas or electricity. I can now argue back... which is nice.